Between a Rock and a Hard Place
by Sakanda
Summary: After being trapped under a collapsed building, Duo & Wufei are a bit hard pressed about confronting some of the more interesting aspects of Wufei's life. [2x5 Humor PostCanon]


**Title: **Between a Rock and a Hard Place

**Author: **Sakanda

**Fandom:** Gundam Wing

**Pairing:** 2x5

**Rating**: T

**Genre**: Shounen-ai/Yaoi; Humor

**Warnings**: Strong Language, Boy Lovin', Modern Day References, & Over Use of Corny Humor

**Notes:** I...don't know. xD PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK! Also note, I made Duo poor in this baby. Four dollars for conditioner is out of his price range. xD The boys are Preventer agents & in their early twenties.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing, no matter how riddled my dreams are with the Gundam Boys.

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**Between a Rock and a Hard Place.**

It wasn't the way he'd normally choose to spend his Friday night, Duo thought in a moment of masochistic reflection.

Here he was, on the grounds of a currently abandoned militarily faction warehouse, buried under the unsteady rubble from of the now exploded building, and pressed, quite close he might add, against a cranky, sputtering Chinese man. Yes, definitely, if he'd had his way, his situation would be completely different. Something along the lines of silk sheets and red wine. Though... maybe pressed against a not cranky, (maybe even horny...?) Chinese man could work its way into Duo's fantasy. Hell, he'd add in a fucking monkey in lingerie if it would make Wufei _shut up._

"Do you _mind_?" Duo hissed out, cutting off his current partner in mid-rant. "My ear _is _right next to your mouth, you know!"

Wufei just huffed and looked even more sullen. "And whose fault is that?" He asked in a pissed, but thankfully low, voice.

Violet eyes widened, "Well, hell, how was I suppose to know they'd rigged the whole fucking building to blow up!" he yelled.

The Asian man winced. 'Oh whoops.' Duo thought, realizing he was being a hypocrite. "Sorry," The once proclaimed God of Death apologized, in a quieter tone, looking meek, "But, come on man, do you have to attack me...? This is as much your fault as mine."

Wufei turned his head away, (about as much movement as he could manage), not looking happy about that fact being stated, and grumbled something under his breath. Okay, so maybe he hadn't been paying as much attention as he should have been, but could you blame him? How the hell was he suppose to concentrate on the mission when Duo was allowed to wear such tight, black, form-fitting pants! Hadn't the idiot even heard of a dress-code?

'Do you know whose fault this is?' Duo thought suddenly, 'Heero's!' Yes, and that bastard of a Japanese agent had enough balls to call himself Duo's partner. Pssh, yeah right. It was _his_ fault he was in this mess, all because he decided to drop everything and go answer little miss Princess' beck-and-call. All _his_ fault he got partnered up with Wufei and shoved on this mission. God damnit! Really, who the hell only takes a half a day of leave from work anyway? He wasn't human! If he-

"...Hey, Wufei..." The squished man turned to look at him again, and then slightly regretted it as it brought their lips in incredibly close proximity. 'Damnit Chang! Get your mind out of the gutter, you little whore!' He could feel his cheeks start to heat up at his thoughts, and cleared his throat in hopes of distracting Duo from that fact.

"Er, yes...?"

A silly grin broke across Duo's face, or at least of what he could see of Duo's face in the poor lighting. "What's that smell? Dude...Do you like, wear perfume?" He chucked, and Wufei could feel the rumble deep inside the chest pressed up along his. "Cause that ain't no frigging cologne."

The black-haired man was appalled. "Maxwell, how dare you make such an actuation! It's injustice! Why would I, a proud Chang, need to steep so low as to spray myself with women's perfume! In fact, I don't need any such manufactured scent! My family has long been known to harbor its own, _natural_, refreshing smell! It's been said to-"

"Hey, hey! Calm down." Duo interpreted his ranting, his grin growing wider at the ridiculousness of the situation. "I was just saying, I smell something nice. And if it ain't cologne or anything like that, then what is it? Cause it sure as hell ain't this place." He stated, indicating the dusty, stale, little area they were currently trapped in.

Wufei turned his head away again, red dusting his cheeks, as a long pause stretched out between them. Duo quirked an eyebrow and cleared his throat, reminding Wufei there wasn't anyway he'd be able to avoid the question. "It's my Herbal Essences blackberry-avocado-mango condition for dry or damaged hair." He said in a rush, praying to whatever gods where up there that Duo's hadn't heard.

Apparently, he didn't have any such luck today.

Duo barked out a laugh, its brash sound echoing off the caved in walls around him and making both of them wince. Who would have thought! Hell, sure Wufei had long hair, but it wasn't even nearly the length of Duo's, and the braided man only used that cheap, dollar oh nine or some shit kind of crap. (Luckily, he was blessed with naturally thick, luscious hair.) And like he could even remember the scent! Oh, oh God. This just killed him. Who would of thought, _Wufei_ of all people? He chuckled again. Well, he did have to admit that the Chinese man's hair had always had a... glossy look to it. And if he was treating it with the expensive crap, it must be been fucking soft. Had he always been using it...? Nah, there was never any time to get anything good during the war; they'd all used the same stuff. Anyway, that one time in the Oz cell, when he'd accidentally touched Wufei's hair, it'd been _soft_. Oh hell, it had to be one soft, pretty motherfucker now with all those natural oils and thirst replenishers and whatever else kind of crap they stuck in something like Herbal Essences. Oh God, what would it _feel_ like...?

Wufei yelped as Duo started wiggling against him. "What the hell Maxwell!" He squeaked out in a voice definitely higher pitched than his own. Duo just kind of huffed at him.

"I'm trying...To get...My hands...Out of-Hah ha! There we go!" He grinned triumphantly, wagging his digits in front of Wufei's shocked face.

"What the- Maxwell! You could have gotten your hands out this whole time?" He demanded in an outraged voice.

"Whoa, take a chill pill, Wu-man. I didn't know I could at first, plus anyways, do you really want me trying to dig us out and have all these rocks fall on us?" Duo asked, raising his eyebrows. "I don't know about you, but I prefer to be wholly intact, thank you."

"I don't... I didn't... I never said... Don't call me Wu-man!" He groused, looking unhappy at being cornered.

Duo smirked, "Okay Wu-bear." And then went in for the kill while the dark-eyed man looked off-balanced.

"Maxwell don't- Ahh! What are you _doing?_ I demand you put your hands down this instance! Stop it! You're going to- **Ow!**" He slammed his head back as far away from Duo possible, which, in this case, happened to be the wall. " _Fuck!_" He winced.

Duo had the courtesy to look ashamed. "Aw, sorry Wu-man, didn't think it'd snag like that. It must have been cause it caught on- Oh... _Ooooh._ That's...that's really nice..." The braided man closed his eyes in bliss as he slowly combed his fingers through Wufei's glossy, heavenly soft locks, the hair ban laying forgot somewhere on the floor. "Wufei..." He practically purred. "How do you... It's just so... Is it _always_ this soft...?"

Said man looked abashed. "I... I didn't... You mustn't..." He bit back a moan. Not that he'd tell anyone, but Wufei had always had a fetish about his hair being touched, hence it always being tied back in a pony tail. And Duo's fingers stroking through his hair, combined with his closeness, didn't seemed to help in calming his raging hormones. "Duo... Duo I... You can't..." And the idiot didn't seem to be stopping. He _had_ to stop. If he didn't, they'd both end up in a very embarrassing situation. "Maxwell!" He barked out, "We'd kill people for less on L5!" He attempted to make himself look pissed off.

Duo blinked and stopped mid-stroke. An uncomfortable quite stretched over them for a moment. "...You zany Chinese colonists. Next you're gonna try and tell me you used chocolate milk on your Rice Crispies instead of whole." He deadpanned.

Wufei just stared at him with a confused expression on his face. "…What the _hell_ are Rice Crispies?"

To say Duo was shocked was an understatement. What the hell were Rice Crispies? He couldn't be serious! What did he mean, what the hell were Rice Crispies! That was... That was like saying...

"Oh dear God! Don't tell me you've never seen He-man either!"

If possible, Wufei managed to look even more perplexed. "He...man...?"

Duo was horrified. "Oh! Oh God! It can't be so, it's just not right! No wonder you always act like you have a stick up your ass!" Wufei looked offended. "You didn't have a childhood man! What did you do for _fun_? Oh wait, don't tell me. You practiced your karate and worked on perfecting your scowl."

Wufei scowled. "I didn't practice _karate_. I practiced kung fu."

Duo shook his head, dejectedly, and removed his hands from his friend's hair. "You poor, poor soul."

An awkward silence stretched between the two. That is, until it was interrupted by a very unmanly squeak. "Ma-Maxwell! Stop writhing!"

Duo grunted at him. "I'm _sorry_, but I have a_ rock_ shoved up my _ass_."

"Maxwell! I demand you stop this instant!" Wufei squealed, his voice becoming higher by the second, "Re-really! You could... collapse the whole thing on us...!" He face was also turned an interesting shade of red.

"Wufei! I can understand how _you're_ use to something shoved up there, but I- ...Oh." Duo blinked again, and then turned the same color as Wufei. "_Oh."_ He could feel something long and hard, that _definitely_ wasn't Wufei's gun, seeing as how he'd lost it a while ago, pressed up against his thigh.

The issuing silence was, if possible, even more awkward than the pervious one. To Wufei's relief though, at least Duo had stopped moving against him.

"...So... Wufei... Are you at least gonna buy me dinner first?"

"**Maxwell!"** He'd never more embarrassed in his life.

Duo sighed dramatically. "We're on last name basis again? Wufei, what kind of gentlemen are you?"

The Asian agent grimaced, "Now you're just teasing me."

"My dear Wu-bear, what ever gave you such an outlandish idea?" That braided idiot grinned cheekily at him.

Overcome with the strong desire to smack him upside the head, Wufei struggled to get his hands up around neck level. Though to do so caused him to rub against Duo, which in turn made the brown-haired man utter his own squeak as attempt to pull away from him. Needless to say, all the wiggling shifted the rubble, forcing them into an even more confided area. Duo found himself mere inches away from a very flushed and horny Wufei. And hey, it didn't have silk sheets and red wine, but it was still pretty nice.

Throwing caution to the wind, the Preventer agent softly breathed his partner's name before slowly advancing forward, closing the distance between them, his violet eyes half lidded. Said Chinese man backed his head away at an equally slow pace, until his escape route came up short, and his head was met with a solid cement wall. One half was his brain was yelling, "What the fuck are you doing! Duo fucking Maxwell's about to press his luscious lips against yours, and most likely end up tongue fucking you! Take it like the whore you are!" While the opposite half was screaming, "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK! DON'T MOVE OR YOU'RE BOTH GOING TO DIE! IT'S GOING TO CAVE IN! HOLY FUCKING JESUS!" Which was odd if he thought about it, since he didn't partially believe in God or Jesus. Plus, he hadn't known that he's inner monologue had such a filthy mouth.

Unaware of the war raging in his companion's head, Duo was overjoyed at successfully cornering the raven-haired man (though it wasn't much of an accomplishment), and proceeded with his plan, closing the space between them by covering Wufei's lips with his own. The other's stoic reaction didn't seem to damper his mood in the slightest, as he slipped his tongue out to wetly run across Wufei's lips, silently asking permission to enter.

Luckily for the Chinese agent, while his mind was completely frozen in shock, his body still seemed to be up to speed, and his lips, which happened to be as sensitive as his scalp, parted in a low moan. Duo didn't need to ask twice, and his tougue quickly plunged inside, slipping along the roof of Wufei's mouth, and causing him to emit an even louder moan that resounded off the slanted walls. Duo slipped his hand back into that silky hair, and pressed his body even closer, the bulge against Wufei's side clearly stating how much he was enjoying the kiss. Snapping back to his senses, the former Shenlong pilot decided to participate, their tongues battling for dominance, and causing Duo to make a loud sound deep in a his throat.

"Duo? Wufei! Is that you?" Duo pulled his head away so fast he was sure he got whiplash. What the hell, had that been Heero's voice? He took in the appearance of a flushed and panting Wufei, his swollen lips proof of what they'd just been doing. Well hell, he'd been making out with Chang Wufei! Fuck yeah!

"I think it came from over here, Heero. Watch your step, it doesn't look sturdy." Trowa's voice managed to break through Wufei's dazed state. The Chinese man shook his head. Wait… Trowa...? "Be..." He cleared his throat, trying to find his voice. "Be careful! You might cause it to cave in on us!" Wufei called, slowly beginning to return to his alert state. "We, ah...We're trapped under all this debris, over near the right wall!"

A short time later, thanks to the laboring of one Heero I-can-bend-gundanaim-with-my-bare-hands Yuy, Duo and Wufei stood in midst of the collapsed warehouse's remains, covered in dust, and their fellow agents watching over them wearily. "I take it that it was a trap?" Heero asked, completely straight faced. Duo snorted in reply.

Trowa quirked his one visible eyebrow at them, "Are you guys okay? You seem really out of breath." They both blushed to their roots and mutter something about how it was all that dust and stale air, and the climbing, yeah, definitely the climbing.

After a statues check, as everybody headed over to load into the Preventer vehicles, Duo grabbed Wufei's arm and dragged him off to the side.

"So..." He shifted feet. Wufei wouldn't even look him in the eye. "I was just thinking..." The braided man smirked, "Do ya think you'd wanna do that again...? You know, without all the rock though."

Wufei snorted and walked off, a grin lingering on his lips. "Only if it involves silk sheets and red wine."

Duo blinked then punched the air in victory. "You read my mind, Wu-bear." He snickered, chasing after his friend.

_fin._


End file.
